I'm a fool for April

I won't bore anyone with the details, but I'm having a bit of a hard time lately. It's nothing like what H.B. has been going through (and for that I count my blessings), but generally, it's been a bummer.

But today it was 65 and balmy, and I went out front tonight in the soft night breeze and watched the world go by, comfortable in my Red Sox jacket and sweatpants, and at least for a minute, I felt ok.

I wasn't going to watch the game, but I remembered what my friend at work had said as I came back in, about baseball lifting the weight of the world off my shoulders in the spring. I sat down and turned the game on.

Daisuke is struggling again as the game opens. Not as badly as he did at the Tokyo Dome, but his location seems off. Still, there he is in bright colors on the screen, pirouetting through his delivery, and even though he's a little wobbly to start things off, in my low mood, he looks beautiful.

Every time Joe Blanton delivers a pitch, I think for a second he's caught his spike. What a weird delivery. The Sox go down in order. Again.

I click the TiVo button at a commerical and flip through the pregame show. Josh Beckett threw 64 pitches today in a spring training simulation and could be slated to start as soon as the Toronto series. Dennis Eckersley, in a pinstriped suit and dashing pink tie, gets glittery-eyed and excited about Manny.

I pause while fast-forwarding through the pregame show at the "Tickets Still on Sale!" false-advertising commercial where they show the four home runs in a row from last year.

"That one's headed for New Hampshire!"

"Number four in a row!"

"They're playing Home Run Derby early this year, at Fenway Park!"

Next pregame segment. A soggy-looking Opening Day at Wrigley Field. Sake Fukudome (!) clubs a three run homer off none other than a wooly-bearded Eric Gagne, looking sullen in a Brewers uniform. Wrigley rejoices. I pause for a moment to be happy for my friend Brian. And for myself, because Eric Gagne deserved it.

Flip back live. In Oakland, they're booing the umpires. Boo, evil Red Sox. Getting guys out at second base.

Back on the pregame. Pedro Martinez gives up a two run homer. Pedro Martinez gives up a solo homer. Pedro Martinez grabs his hamstring. Theo Epstein looks like a genius.

Flip back live. Daric Barton flubs a routine popup, but Lowell is victimized by a "wide strike zone," as Don Orsillo puts it. They're roaringly happy about this in the Oakland stands. Mike Lowell turns to argue as the inning ends.

In this new season the echoes of last year are still heavily present. Just seeing Daisuke's windup carries the same nostalgia as the first breath of spring out on my front porch. Memories of May.

Some of those echoes are bittersweet just now. But even in the slow early innings of a West Coast start, baseball is fundamentally, reassuringly, the same.

Happy Opening Day, everybody.

Comments

[maxwell horse]

Hey, Beth. I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well. After reading that, I tried to think of something to type that would legitimately help. I personally hate it when people say they will "pray for you," because it sounds so cliche as to be phony. Also, I think it sounds kind of condescending (not to mention largely useless).

I also thought of mentioning how I have also had some problems in my life. However, I know from personal experience, that when one is feeling bad and someone else simply responds with a "join the club" message, it doesn't make me feel any better, but rather makes me want to slap them.

All I can think to say is I very much enjoy your blog and writing. On a selfish note: I hope your funk isn't so deep that it prevents you from chronicling the 2008 Red Sox season. (But hey, if you have writer's block, no biggie.) Maybe it would make you feel better to know that when -I- am down (which is frequently), one of the things that makes me feel a bit "lighter" and more connected with the world is to read your writing. Truly.

... Anyway, on a less touchy-feely note, I was pleased to see that Papelbon was able to close the game tonight without looking hideous.

[On a baselessly negative note: I am perplexed as to why Daisuke's fastballs are now topping out at around 90 mph. Jeez, last season, 94 mph seemed to be his norm. Now his ceiling is at 90 and neither Don nor Jerry bat an eye?]

[Iain]

I think all baseball fans are fools for April - we emerge from our warying degrees of hibernation, rub our eyes and gaze at the new season.

But even in the slow early innings of a West Coast start, baseball is fundamentally, reassuringly, the same.

I love that you posted this is the early innings and that it's just the mere fact of baseball - not the win - which makes life feel good. Reminds me of a CD I have at home which carries the review excerpt: "This album makes your life better by its mere existence."

Thank God for baseball.

[Alex]

I hope you feel better too, whether it's through baseball or some other aspect of the spring season.

I hope that the fact the Sox won this one pepped you up a bit, along with DiceK's spinning 9 Ks and no walks.

Paps is now referring to himself in the third person, specifically the "vintage Papelbon."

Is this what you meant by giving him time to mature? :)

[beth]

thanks everyone for your kind wishes. maxwell, i appreciate your kind words. your loyal readership and frequent comments are a boost to me too.

iain, glad you found the early innings thing a nice touch and not just evidence that i bailed on the game around midnight to go to bed. :-)

alex, jonathan papelbon falls into the tom brady category of He Can Do No Wrong with me. i admit it's irrational, but it's also, at this point, pretty much involuntary. i just find that stuff endearing. (remember i've also always liked curt schilling, so my tolerance for assholes in red sox uniforms seems to be high.)

[JS]

Eckersley's sincere and passionate defense of Matsuzaka and the One Shaky Inning really touched me.