@$%&!!!!!!

Colts beat Steelers, push record to 11-0

WHY I HATE THE COLTS

(...enough to have been rooting--at least in spirit--for the Steelers last night, something I never thought I'd find myself doing, and do you have any idea the cognitive dissonance I experienced, and all for naught???!?!?!)

By: Beth

I hate the Colts first of all because they are whiners. The 5-Yard-Chuck rule. The bullshit excuses for why they never won at Gillette Stadium. The Peyton Manning Face.

How can you like a team with a whining pantywaist like Peyton Manning at the helm? And if you have any doubt he's a whining pantywaist, check out this embarrassing story, recently published in Rick Reilly's column in Sports Illustrated:

I remember one year, Peyton got tackled too hard. He was only about six or seven. And he was so mad he was crying. He wanted to quit. I wouldn't let him. I was filming the whole thing. And all of a sudden, Peyton's in the lens, his face purple. And he snarls at me, 'I'm gonna tell Mom what her Christmas present is!'"

Good to know Peyton was just as smackable as a child as he is today.

Oh, and you know who told Reilly that story for all the world to read?

His father. His own father told that horrible, humiliating, embarrassing story to an SI writer. All I can say to that is: PWN3D. What a loser.

Anyway, I could bash Peyton Manning all day, but there are many other reasons to hate the Colts, so moving on...

Where specific players are concerned, while Peyton Manning irritates the crap out of me, Mike Vanderjagt is the biggest asshole EVER. I mean, EVER.

I mean, LOOK at this fucking asshole:

God, just looking at that one picture makes me want to claw out my own eyeballs and run down the street, screaming and trying to pelt people with my clawed out eyeballs. MY OWN EYEBALLS, PEOPLE.

But I'm NOT DONE!

Even more than their inbred hick quarterback or their asshole kicker, what makes me hate the Colts is the fact that they are showboaters, full of bravado and bullshit about "Start making our rings now." Then they come to Gillette, get spanked, and don't seem to understand why they're jackasses.

But most of all, even on top of all of that...I hate the Colts because despite the fact that they are whiners, and showboaters, their quarterback is irritating, their kicker is an asshole, and that it has taken them since 1994 to win ONE game at Gillette Stadium against the Patriots, and lost to the Patriots twice in a row in the playoffs, EVERY SINGLE YEAR the national media convinces itself the Colts are the second coming of Christ. EVERY SINGLE YEAR in whatever bye weeks come between regular season and playoffs, they work themselves into enough of a delusional frenzy to first start picking the Colts, and then trashing the Patriots in anticipation of the game...DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE PATRIOTS HAVE WON EVERY TIME.

So far, Indy has failed, and failed utterly, to put their actual play on the field where their goddamn hugeass mouths are. But so far, the national media has failed to care.

Nothing irks me more than the fact that the Patriots have clearly been the better team for all these years, and yet you can FEEL how much the national talking heads are pulling for the Colts. You can FEEL how badly they wish they could STOP talking about the Patriots and simply fellate Peyton Manning, since chicks dig the long ball and the forward pass and touchdown records and not this, you know, team and winning stuff. You can feel how they can't WAIT to stop having to cover plain, grey, frumpy Bill Belichick and get more great shots of that IRRITATING AND RETARDED thing the Asshole Kicker and punter do after a kick. For whatever reason, they are drawn to this frequently overrated, frequently beaten in the big time dome team like moths to flame.

And so. The Patriots have won three of the last four Super Bowls, and were it not for more injuries than any team can really sustain, they'd probably be nipping at the Colts' heels this season if not beating them...again. I still think the Patriots will be the dominant team in this decade, and the fact that they're still above .500 this year is actually pretty impressive, considering. But is anybody considering? Absolutely not. They have the opportunity to salivate during, say, a Toilet Bowl game between Kansas City and Houston about "How good Peyton Manning is," and that's all they care about.

If Indianapolis goes to and wins the Super Bowl this year, you can bet they will act as if they are the first team ever to win anything. The Patriots will be discounted and forgotten, and idiots like Michael Irvin and Shannon Sharpe will be ecstatic because they can now rejoice in the Colts and forget about the Patriots. Somehow, if the Colts go undefeated this season and / or win the Super Bowl, the Patriots will have disappeared completely off the map. How do I know this? Because these same idiots could hardly bring themselves to talk about them even when they were the ones winning. Now the Colts are winning, and screw you, New England! Peyton Manning YAY YAY YAYYYYY We were right about him all along YAY YAY YAYYYYY

Having to watch that would pretty much make me projectile vomit repeatedly until Spring Training starts.

And that is why I hate the Colts.

The End.

Comments

[sarah]

god, that made me feel better just reading it.
you forgot to mention that indianapolis is a total landlocked shithole of a city with the most annoying and boring layout ever (since they have no river or body of water to build around it is completely flat and gridded out) and how all of their streets downtown are named after states and how once you get two minutes out of downtown you are in the worst type of redneck ghetto and all those people have to live for is the Colts and I even want to see THAT taken away from them.

[beth]

sarah, i regret the oversight--thanks for the correction. :-)

[Runan]

I was actually ROOTING for the Steelers last night. It was physically painful. And yet those @#$%^&*!!! Colts still won. Ugh. UGH.

[Red]

I don't know the Colts from the Bay City Rollers... but that was fucking brilliant.

[Margo]

I can never even utter the words "Peyton Manning" or "Colts," but instead it's "Fucking Peyton Fucking Manning" and the "Fucking IndiaNoPlace Fucking Colts."
You made my day.

[Edw.]

What she said.

Bravo. Bravo. Bravo.

Another reason to hate the Colts: That lame middle of the night, clandestine move out of Baltimore to, of all the shit holes in the world, Indianapolis. While none of the current players etc have anything to do with that, still, its symbolic of what that franchise is all about. They are tainted forever.

I hate the Colts so damn much.

[beth]

perhaps we should start a support group: People Who Fucking Hate the Fucking Colts, Goddammit. i'll bring the coffee.

[donn]

Thank you! I absolutely hate the Colts, the Peyton Manning face oh and the way he throws his arms up in the air anytime something goes wrong. And it also pisses me off how the NFL embraces the Colts and changes rules to benefit them. The Colts should stick to what they are... the best team in the Arena Football League. Stop destroying the NFL.

[Coltsman]

wah wah wah..all of you crying and bitching about how much you hate Peyton crying and bitching. What more can I expect from a bunch of NE fans..I shouldn't be surpised. Have a great day...oh and by the way.... 13-0

[beth]

hey, took you long enough to find this. what, did you just get the dial-up out in the pig shack working?

i'm impressed at your demonstration of counting ability. now count our rings. and yours. come back and talk shit once you've actually won something.

[JohnFitz]

I love this! The Dolts are pussies. It starts at the top with the the head whiner, Bill Polian..."they hit us too hard..."If you really want to see how soft they are, file this under "A picture says a 1000 words"...check out the highlights of the Pats 2005 smothering of them in the playoffs up at Gillette. This scene is on the DVD - Early in the game Manning throws a incomplete pass 3rd down pass to Dallas Clark. At the same time Tedy Bruschi gives Clark a shot and shout...you could almost hear what he is saying..."You're not pulling that shit up here..." But, the best part is the look on Clark's face as he scampers off the field...face down, clearly intimidated!

[MartyPunk]

I know this is a little dead now, what with the Colts proving themselves once more by being slaughtered by the Chargers, but I feel that one nugget should be brought to the surface: Peyton failed in a way that will never be corrected before he even stepped foot an NFL team.

Prior to his NFL career, Mr. Manning played none other than the Tennessee Volunteers. Archrival? Florida. Much like New England, Manning could beat any other team in the league BUT Florida. He proved this when he came back an extra year JUST TO BEAT FLORIDA AND LEFT LITERALLY CRYING AFTER HE LOST. Ah, the glory days.

[Beth]

it's cool, marty. thanks for the comment and go pats!

[Dean]

13-0 at one point, but Peyton Manning STILL sucks in the postseason as he proved yet again today!

[SC]

Lets really get down to business and bring this shithead down!!

First he and his Daddy shit on the school (Ole Miss) that considers Archie a God by rejecting the program as not good enough for his precious waterheaded boy to play for.

Then he teases the UT hillbillies that he is the second coming but loses to Florida 5 times!!!

There was the scandal of him exposing himself and making crude comments to a femaile UT trainer. That was settled out of court.

Then yesterday. Did anyone notice that after a false start by the Colts on the Pittsburg 1 yard line...after the play Peyton start flapping his arms...He actually blamed the Indy fans for the mishap and admonished them.

What a putz!!!

[SC]

And another thing...

After the game he sold out his O'line blaming them for not protecting his premadonna ass.

Do you think the O linemen appreciate that after they get their 300 lb bodies into their squatted, frozen stance that he then goes into that showboat act for 15 seconds, rarely actually changing the play.

Im sure their thinking "Run the fucking play!!"

And has anybody noticed that pruple welt he has on that massive forehead after the games. Dont they make a helmet big enough to fit his head or is it a size outside the human size range?

[Peyton tha Whiner]

Hey Don or whatever your gay name is well bud im not an indy fan, was a big fan of the NFL and it is crumbling bc the media and NFL are trying to help pave a perfect story, the only reason manning got that single season TD record was bc of the NFL and refs thru the game against san diego where they overturned a clear interception just like they did recent pitts in the playoffs, that accompanied by an even worse display of officiating then the pitts game (prob bc slightly more people were watching the playofs then manning going for a record) anyway the story was the same, Manning was choking, so they threw the game and manning got the momentum back just like they tried to do again against Pitts.

Another key point here is the Media. The media likes Fagton Manning, not the people. Who fucking likes a whiner, a baby, a coward who needs a line like a baby and a blankie. When things go wrong for grat quarterbacks like Brett Favre, what does he do, says dammit and plays the next play to win it -- doesnt whine like a baby. I could never consider a whiner a hero, but the media trys to influence people who don't know -- people who don't watch football every week - that brings fans to the NFL -- thats the only reason peyton got his record -- it brought fans to the NFL, which is a business that happens to sell the game of football, but Manning is only a tool for the NFL -- theyre fighting too hard bc only people who dont really watch football like him and of course people in Indiana// NFLs real fans dont like him bc hes a whiner ... Oh I forgot to say Tom Brady is prob the best example yet even tho I am a Favre Fan bc Brady is passionate and Ive seen him cuss out a Ref but it was passion, a difference from whining which is pouting and crying, getting in the face once in a while while normally a cool and collected guy is inspiring, but w/out sidetracking anymore Brady is the coolest qtrback under pressure, when in need of a big drive, late in the game ... and again Im not a Pats fan but I don't do not like them bc atleast I respect that team, especially there coach who I think might be the person contributing the most to their success as a team.

So I guess to sum it comes down to respect, I respect class, balls, and no whining, just playing ... all things that Manning and Manning led colts seem to display the contrary.

[FUCK THE WHINNING COLTS]

Peyton Manning will win a Superbowl when he stops complainging...in other words, he won't win one.

[ND COLTS TO SUPERBOWL]

The snatch that wrote this obviously knows nothing of great football! What a little bi***h! Can't stand Peyton whinning, all she did was whine through her whole crazy ranting. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Get over it seriously! How wrong to talk about what Peyton did as a kid, I mean come on. I bet you did some pretty shadey stuff as a kid too, Beth! I mean you're pretty shadey now!
Every player out there has a moment where someone is gonna call them a whinner! And if that's what you wanna call it, and that's what we've got to do to make sure the calls are coming in correctly, then so fucking be it!
Colts are going to the Super Bowl this year, and she's gonna look like what she is an ass!

[beth]

took even longer for you to hook up your dial-up in the halfway house, eh? i wrote this TEN FUCKING MONTHS AGO, moron.

i really have nothing else to say to someone who can't spell "shady" correctly and starts off their comment by calling me a snatch, except: way to prove my fucking point, you imbecile.

[Ms. Brightside]

I read this the first time but never posted so I'll do it now...

Seriously, one of the best anti-Colts posts ever written. I'm glad there are others that feels this way.

Well done...

[TB12sG@YLOVER]

Yous guys are the biggest bunch of losers. I'm not even a colts fan, but the hate that yous spew for an organization is a joke. It's funny how you make Indy (which I have never been to and I am sure the overwhelming majority of yous haven't either)seem like the worst city in the world, but yous guys are not setting a good example for your city.

So in honor of the board, let me make a comment about a city that I haven't been to. Bostonians suck! Go eat yous baked beans and drink some Octoberfest Sam Adams.

[beth]

i am amazed by the comments i am still receiving on this post.

thanks for the traffic!

[john]

Marino and Manning share a lot in common, besides never winning big games. They were and are big whining, sissy-like, girlie-men; full of excuses and finger pointing. Go Pats....or anyone but the Colts for that matter.

[john]

Why is my comment posted under Beth?

[Clawed]

The Colts are simply GAY!!!!!!!!!
In Tennessee we have to see GAYTON Manning twice a year.

[txnflfan]

I hate Manning.. And his retarded inbred family. I hope Urlacher flattens him for good in Miami.

I hate the Colts for stabbing their fans in the back and sneaking out of their real hometown in the middle of the night like a bunch of pregnant schoolgirls.

I hope the Bears Destroy them

[linds]

I HATE THE FUCKING COLTS THEY ARE FUCKING GAY!!!!!!!!!! GO BEARS!!!

[andrew]

yes first of all i am a huge pats fan love tom brady and he is the goddamn best and manning will never come a fucking close to being as good as brady and the afc game was bullshit call it what u want to all u dumb fucking colts fan's or what ever u pussy that dont even like them or if you are just like this gay guy ((Ms. Brightside)) that left that comment up there than shut the fuck up dont want to hear you waste my time or waste good breath that god is pumping in your gay ass body ok got it!and every one knows is that fucking game was any where else the pats would have won that shit and they whould have won at the colts home town if the refre would have got his head out of his ass and called the game right than the pats would be haveing them the forth ring on there fingers and just cant wait tell manning dies or gets killed cause he is just so goddamn mad at brady for every thang brady dose do manning stop for you get hurt you are a cry baby u little bitch if u cant handle some one touching your helment than quit pro football brady got the hell knocked out of him in jacksonvill so quit your bitching bitch why could they just havent done that to u good thangs happen to good people and basterds like mannig just burn in hell and the pats will go next year so get ready mannig cause they will be back bitch and brady will have he's wr fixed and ready to catch and run for about 60 yards and hopefully the nfl want fuck the pats out of the game like they did this year and u colts fans should be jumping of a clif for the way they gave the colts that game as soon as that ball went up in the are in that game they called a flag on the pats just in case they got the ball cause they did not put that flag out any time but when the ball went in the air the did so fuck the colts and manning and may all colts fans and manning fans burn in hell go pats and gooooooooooo goddamn bears baby kill manning make him cry like the bitch he is

[Nunya Biz]

Ha ha ha haaaaa! I love this! Here I am, stuck in goddam Indianapolis surrounded by these horse lovers. It disgusts me. The Colts suck, period. Peyton is a whiny bitch, and Dungy, although an ok coach, has the personality of a bath mat, much like his idiot QB. I call him coach Labotomy. Vandejagt was a turd, but I think I hate Viniteri just a little more… So here it is, SB 41, and they assholes finally rule the roost, sort of. I thank my stars The Dolts have to play the Bears. Egghead (Manning) and company have had trouble against younger quarterbacks thoughout Peyton’s carreer, and Chicago’s D is outstanding at picking apart high powered offences. The Donkeys will choke. They always do.

[Nunya Biz]

And yes, this city is the asshole of the universe. Bush league town all the way. Go Bears!

Count
On
Losing
This
Sunday

[B Mills]

Hey...guess what? The Colts just won the Super Bowl. Why are you guys full of so much hate? It's eating you alive. Here's something to chew on: The Colts won Super Bowl 41 with more dignity and class than any team has ever known. Class act all the way. The whole country, minus Chicago, was rooting for Indy to kick ass and take names in Miami. The Colts played in shitty weather (according to you guys, they can't handle anything played not in a dome) and they still dominated through and through.

Better jump on the Colts bandwagon. Everyone else has.

[SubZero]

Great, now he's the second coming of John Elway, another horse's ass-face. (what appropriate teams they represent, Broncos and Colts, both see themselves as the faces of their franchises, literally) Neither could win a title until they had a running game. Even though that's what clearly won them the game tonight (199 yards of rushing and 2-1 TOP advantage), he still got the MVP. What a surprise, the trophy probably had his name pre-engraved on it before kickoff.

[PeytonWonBTW.]

The safeties were deep, and it was raining. Peyton managed the game well in the Superbowl.

You sound really jealous, this coming from an objective person that didn't care about either team. Get over it, you're running out of stuff to bitch about. The littlest thing freaks you out.

[beth]

i wrote this post two years ago, guys. i seriously cannot reiterate this enough--and apparently the point here, which is that i wrote this post two years ago and it's taken peyton manning fans this long to come crawling out of the woodwork to talk shit, is still lost on you. that really says it all, in my book. i wrote six posts on this year's super bowl and a post on the AFC championship game, but colts fans are making comments on *this* post that to most of my readership is buried in the archives. hmm, wonder why that is? if you guys had any balls at all--or a leg to stand on with your shit-talking--you'd come do it out in the open, on a current post. that's really all i have to say, and that's the last word on this post.