Go drink some decaf

That's how a memorably bizarre inning and a half in Baltimore got started tonight, with a shout from home plate umpire Bob Davidson into the Red Sox dugout at the beginning of the eighth. "Who you yellin' at?" was the full quote. "Go drink some decaf!"

Then, for a moment, things settled. Coco grounded out routinely to second base. Ellsbury hit a single to left center. Remy droned on, comfortingly, with Pedroia at the dish, Ellsbury stealing second as Brian Roberts dropped the ball. Sox up 6 to 2 in Baltimore.

Baltimore pitcher Lance Cormier fumbled on the mound, distracted by Jacoby. Then he finally came home with a pitch low and away. Pedroia checked his swing (or so it seemed) for ball four, and trotted toward first base.

And that's when the real shenanigans kicked off. First-base umpire Alfonso Marquez called it strike two, saying Pedroia had gone around. Pedroia, having ignored the appeal to first from the catcher behind him as he took his presumptive walk, looked at Marquez, deadpan, and then, tilting his head just so, mimicked Marquez's gesture.

It was a breathtaking moment of audacity, its acid calm a sharper insult than a shout would have been, and it left Marquez muttering. The ump returned the disrespect with a flip of his hand, waving Pedroia off.

"Right now, I'd get thrown out of the game if I was Pedroia," Remy broke in, giggling. "I would, honest to God, I don't think I could control myself."

Pedroia grounded out to shortstop, turned, and walked toward the dugout, not saying a word. "Well, that is clearly the difference between you and Dustin," Don Orsillo said. "Dustin just walks away."

Not two seconds later, just as he hit the warning track, a "FUCK!" that was audible on camera burst out of Pedroia. He turned back toward the field to puimp out more expletives like bullets.

The umpires fired back. Bob Davidson made the international sign for ejection from the ball game. F bombs continued launching themselves from Pedroia's mouth as Tito herded him into the dugout. Youkilis looked after him as he fled into the tunnel and shook his head.

Before things could get settled down again, a big white kid behind the dugout in a Cal Ripken jersey was heckling Coco. Coco seemed to take the bait, not something I'm used to seeing ballplayers do, and the two went back and forth until a Camden Yards security guard, much older than both ballplayer and heckler, stepped in to tell the fan to sit down.

The fan seemed incredulous, and gave his elder his own ration, to which the security guard responded sharply. All of a sudden, everyone was losing their minds for no apparent reason.

"Now everyone's getting hot, here," was Remy's call. He also remarked that the security guy had "gotten the last word. He just let him have it."

"A lot of action," Orsillo observed.

Momentarily the drama was interrupted by activity on the actual field, as Ellsbury slid home safe on a single by Kevin Youkilis, after an intentional walk for Papi. Reason to love NESN #24352: they went back and gave us a closeup on how Youkilis's hit sat Baltimore's Happy Heckler down and shut him up.

With Jason Bay at the plate, suddenly, everything quieted again. "Well Don, you underestimate those fiery little second basemen," Remy mused. "Pretty much know when they're gonna get thrown out of the game." 

Bay grounded out, 6-5, ending the eighth before any more "verbal violence" broke out, but the Crazy spilled over into the ninth, when Ripken Jersey was shown surrounded by security guards and escorted from his seat, stopping to jaw with another Orioles fan on his way out.

Remy had questions as this scene unfolded. "Other than being intoxicated, I wonder what would make you, you know, like, sit in the front row at a ball game and make a complete ass of yourself."

"I see your point," Don said, in an ixnay tone of voice. "I don't know."

"He wanted to get into it with the players, the fans around him, the security people, and finally with the police."

"And now he's gone."

"Yes."

"So when do you think the suspension will begin?" Orsillo said at the mid-9th cut to commercial with sarcastic cheer. "When we get to Toronto?"

I feel my own ixnay coming on, because I know there are many like Ripken Jersey behind the bullpens and dugouts at Fenway every home game. I also want to note that to some extent, it makes me happy when I see other East Coast baseball fans getting into the game, even to the point of being obnoxious hooligans; the more intensity there is in baseball, the better.

But like Remy, I can't help but wonder. I'd like to know just what that guy said to Coco that got a response. It must have been something that would get anybody's attention, something that goes beyond being just enthusiastic or intense. Especially given how the kid acted toward the security guard and on his way out, neither of which I would defend, regardless of what jersey he was wearing.

Comments

[Chris]

A great summary! I was only half paying attention through this, so I'm glad you were able to fill in the holes of what went down. Bizarre and completely entertaining. I would expect no less from the Red Sox.

[Bloggy]

I was watching on MLB.tv, which was carrying the Orioles feed, not the NESN feed. They showed some chatting between Pedroia and the 1st base ump and then the jaw-jackin' between Pedroia and the home plate ump. (By the way...he definitely went around).

There was nothing about Coco and a fan. I had no idea anything was going on there at all.

Which is why NESN > MASN. Show us what's going on, people. Remember the pizza slice thing?

[julia]

I thought Dustin got tossed because as he was walking past the home plate ump, he turned his head and said "You all suck!" Which was awesome.

Then when the O's fan was led out into the waiting arms of the police, I had to wonder- do you think Camden Yards has its own special jail, or did that guy share a cell with Bubbles last night?

[beth]

@ julia, ha! but bubbles is clean and off the street now - more like sharing a cell with wee-bey. :)

yeah, the "you all suck" (actually I believe the exact quote was "you all fucking suck") came after that first mighty FUCK that he let out at the warning track, so i sorta paraphrased it in this post.

@ bloggy - but notice also don's ref to a suspension - i don't think tracking fans like that / commenting on their activities is necessarily 'done', though i'd say the fan's interaction with a player in the dugout made him more fair game...

[Bloggy]

I was under the impression that the suspension might be given to Pedroia for "flagrant disrespect to an entire fucking umping team" or some such. I never considered that an announce team (and associated camera crew) might take a rip for that.

[maxwell horse]

Wait, now I'm all confused. The possible suspension that Don mentioned--who was he referring to? Is Pedroia potentially going to be suspended?

(BTW, there was one camera shot where you could read Dustin's lips perfectly: "What? F**k you! That's f**king horse***t!")

[beth]

the remy / orsillo talk of suspension happened a long time after pedroia was gone, directly after they showed the kid getting kicked out and remy went on his little rant about what an ass he was. i assumed they were referring to that, not pedroia. haven't heard anythign about pedroia getting a suspension, and i think we would have by now.

[JS]

I'd always thought of Crisp as a mild-mannered gent. That is until I saw him tangle with Tampa Bay's Big Jim Shields.