Would you stand up and walk out on me

In a scene all too familiar these last few years, Red Sox Nation arrives to find one of her men packing up his things.

Red Sox Nation: Wait. Stop. I must have loved you for years, only I'm such a stupid fool I didn't know it. Please believe me. You must care. Everybody said you did.

Theo: I believe you. And what about Manny Ramirez?

Red Sox Nation: I never really loved Manny.

Theo: You certainly gave a good imitation of it up to this morning. No, dear. I've tried everything. If you'd only met me halfway, even when I came back from Chicago with Cabrera and Mientkiewicz.

Red Sox Nation: I was so glad to see you. I was Theo. But you were so nasty.

Theo: And then when you were sick and it was all my fault. I hoped against hope that you'd call for me, but you didn't.

Red Sox Nation: I wanted you. I wanted you desperately, but I didn't think you wanted me.

Theo: It seems we've been at cross purposes, doesn't it? But it's no use now. As long as there was Manny, there was a chance we might be happy. I liked to think that Manny was you, a little child again, before the war and poverty had done things to you. He was so like you, and I could pet him and spoil him - as I wanted to spoil you. But now he's going. And he took everything.

Red Sox Nation: Oh, Theo, Theo. Please don't say that. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything.

Theo: My darling. You're such a child. You think that by saying: 'I'm sorry,' all the past can be corrected. Here, take my handkerchief. Never at any crisis of your life have I known you to have a handkerchief.

Red Sox Nation: Theo, Theo. Where are you going?

Theo: I'm going to San Diego, back where I belong.

Red Sox Nation: Please, please take me with you.

Theo: No, I'm through with everything here. I want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn't something left in life of charm and grace. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Red Sox Nation: No. I only know that I love you.

Theo: That's your misfortune.

Red Sox Nation: Theo, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?

Theo: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Theo walks out.

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*A note only I may care about: I'm aware that the analogy is not quite apt; in Gone with the Wind Scarlett doesn't appreciate what she has in Rhett; I don't think the same could be said of RSN vis a vis Theo here. And the use of Manny's name for both Ashley and Bonnie's here is pretty hamfisted as well. But what do you want. It was 6:30 am and I was despondent. Also, my only other thought for this parody dialogue was the final scene of Casablanca, which didn't work at all, to say nothing of the irony that Casablanca! Did you know Theo's great grandfather or something wrote the script to that movie? Cool! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to PLUCK OUT MY EYEBALLS AND FRY 'EM UP OVER EASY NOW WHO WANTS BACON WITH THAT?

Comments

[Boston Fan in Michigan]

I hate resorting to emoticons, but that's about what this turn of events has brought me to.

D:

[Cathryn]

Man. Now that scene's gonna even more frustrating to read. Nicely done, though. It'd be funny if the situation weren't so depressing.

[deedee]

My thoughts exactly.

I feel like I've been dumped. Or have been dumped on. Or something similarly degrading.

[Iain]

It's worse than being dumped - it's being dumped by proxy and for reasons you neither understand nor have control over.

Bleurgh...